She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
