I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
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Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
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BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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