I want to have your abortion
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
this is an emotional support booty call
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
