farters have to be the big spoon...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
