Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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