how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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