literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
