my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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