if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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