I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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