take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
