Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
