We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
