Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Randomize
