It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
