Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
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she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
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He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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