Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
