she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
