We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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