I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
