I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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