They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
