Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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