i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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