It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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