Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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