Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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