As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
