I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
