Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
