Whod you bang
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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