You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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