I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
