i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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