Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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