I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
