Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
