I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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