i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
