he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Randomize
