I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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