Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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