It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
