Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
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We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
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5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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