Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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