He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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