We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
