he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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