Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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