i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
