Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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