did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
