At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
