whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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