Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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