Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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