Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
