Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
No subtext here. People are naked.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
