it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
