Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
