I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
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Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
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For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Drunk is not a location!
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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