So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
