She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
