Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
