i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
she pinky promised me she was 18
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Randomize
